You know what i heard when i first met you? - No. - Beeew, Beeew, Beeew, Beeew. - What are you doing? - That's an ambulance, come and take me away, 'cos the sight of you stopped my heart.

Doug: You can take our phones and you can take our keys, but you cannot take away our dreams.
Steve: Yeah, because we're, like, sleeping when we have them.

Doug: About the store? You sit around thinking about the store? You're supposed to be thinking about ... (sees two hot ladies) Hey what's up? (to the ladies)
Steve: You want some of this?
Doug: Or a little of that?

Doug: So anyways, I was standing there waiting to use the pay phone.
Steve: Yeah, he was, seriously.
Doug: And this guy who was on the phone, turns around and tips his hat like this.
Steve: And who do you think that guy was?
Doug: Emilio Estevez.
Steve: The Mighty Duck man, I swear to God, I was there.
Doug: Of course you were, you were the one who yelled the Breakfast Clubber's name.
Steve: I was like, "Emilio."

Craig: So hey, let me ask you something. How long have we been friends?
Steve: All seven years of high-school.
Doug: Yeah, at least.
Craig: That's why I gotta be real with you right now. As a professional trainer, guys, I'm a little worried about your triceps. i mean you guys are going all the week out and it's called full extention. And i'm not seeing it.
Doug: Craig, you're right. We actually had a long talk about that the other night.
Steve: Looong taaalk.
Craig: I just don't want you guys to cheat on yourselves. And i'm sorry to come down here like this but ... pfff ... in a weird way it's my job.
Steve: Hey, that's why we love you and we hate you.
Craig: So, still friends?
Doug and Steve: You know it!
Craig: I'm glad we had this talk.

Doug: Why go out for burgers when you have steak at home?
Steve: You're right, we should go out for lunch after this.

Doug: [outside The Roxbury] So... you want to dance?
Girl: We're not in the club yet.
Doug: Right.

Kamehl Butabi: What I do understand is that you're going to a big new hot club tonight. Is that what it is?
Doug: That's right.
Steve: Exactly.
Kamehl Butabi: What I don't understand is how you're gonna get there. [Kamehl takes their car keys]
Doug, Steve: What are you doing? God. Man.

Doug: Is that a mirror in your pocket?
Cambi: What?
Doug: 'Cause I can see myself in your pants!

Steve: What's up?
Hottie Cop: Do you know you were doing 50?
Doug: [whispers to Steve] Hottie cop likes you. Think she pulls over just anybody? Make a move.
Steve: What's up?
Hottie Cop: Just giving you an $80 ticket.
Doug: [whispers to Steve] She is so into you
Hottie Cop: I want you to do me a favor.
Steve: What ever you say, "T.J. Hooker".
Hottie Cop: (laughs) Please obey all posted speed limits. Have a good night
Steve: It's already been good, now that you have served and protected me.
[Hottie cop leaves]
Doug: Way to go brother! You got her badge number and you got a date to meet her at the Municipal State Court. Up top. Very nice! Yeah!

Hey, nice bulbs, Emily. Oh, and I don't mean that metaphorically.

(trying to act intelligent in front of his "girlfriend"): "Like... we see a picture of this young lady. But to the lady, are we just a picture of us? Did you ever think about that?"

(making a toast) Ok, i just wanna say What's up? Grandma, grandpa... and ... to the other two old people...What's up? ... yeah, you two.

Are you seeing planes? Is your name Tattoo? Because swear to God, you're living on Fantasy Island. - man, that was a sweet show - Yeah, it was a sweet show.

Hi. You've reached Doug Butabi. I'm not here right now because I'm too busy outside living it up, unlike my pussy-whipped brother who's too busy throwing his life away for Emily. Beep.