Multiple Characters quotes

Alexa: [After an aborted one-night stand with a woman] I guess I prefer sausage to taco.

Dr. Keats: Doug, once again, off the juice.
Doug: It'th not juithe. It'th a protein thake.

Security Guard 1: Hey Lucy, good to see you again!
[Lucy walks by quietly]
Security Guard 1: What the heck's her problem?
Security Guard 2: She doesn't remember who you are, bro.
Security Guard 1: Oh yeah. I suck at this job!

Lucy: [to Henry] I hardly know you.
Marlin: Actually sweetie, you're kind of dating him.
[Lucy looks at Henry]
Henry: Yeah. Sorry I'm not better looking.

Doug: Thith ith from Nick and Thue. They thend their betht witheth for a thafe trip.
Henry: That's very nice. Spam and Reese's. All right.
Doug: I love Thpam and Reethe's, can I have it?
Henry: Um, I guess.
Marlin: Doug!

Kid: What's wrong with that turtle?
Henry: He has lung problems because he smoked too much turtle weed, which is bad for you. Right, Ula?
Ula: What? I don't smoke weed!

[While playing golf, Ula has ripped the stitches over a shark bite on his waist]
Ula: You think you can stitch me up tonight after I get back from surfing?
Henry: Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
Caddy: I wouldn't surf with a bleeding wound like that. You might attract a shark or something.
Ula: What's wrong with that, cuz? Sharks are naturally peaceful.
Caddy: Is that right? How'd you get that nasty cut anyway?
Ula: A shark bit me.
Caddy: Nice! Go smoke another one, bro!

Old Hawaiian Man: That was pathetic.
Henry: Yeah? Why don't you choke on your spam!

Nick: What did Sue say?
Henry: She said that if I talk to Lucy you'll kill me with a meat cleaver.

Dr. Keats: Was your head shaped like an egg before she hit you?
Doug: Hey! Don't make fun of Henry, all right? It'th not hith fault hith head'th thaped like that!
Dr. Keats: Note the intense overreaction. That's the 'roids talking. Douglas, once again, off the juice.
Doug: It'th not juice! It'th a protein shake!

[Henry sticks a tooth pick in Lucy's waffle house]
Henry: Here, you should try this out. Put this here. Swivelly door. Waffleonians can come in and out now.
Lucy: Oh, are you from a country where it's okay to stick your fingers all over someone else's food?
Henry: Uh, no, I'm from this country. [pause] Were you gonna eat that?

[Henry pretends to get electrocuted while jump-starting his car, upsetting Lucy]
Henry: Hah! I can't believe you fell for that!
Lucy: My grandfather died while trying to jump-start a car...
Henry: Oh...I'm so sorry...I was just joking around.
Lucy: I can't believe you fell for THAT! HA HA!

Update Video: Red Sox win series!... Just kidding.
Update Video: Schwarzenegger becomes governor of California!... Not kidding.

Dr. Keats: Tom was in a hunting accident and he lost part of his brain. His memory lasts only ten seconds.
Ten Second Tom: I was in an accident? That's terrible.
Dr. Keats: Don't worry, you'll totally get over it in about three seconds.

Henry: [begging Marlin to let Henry see Lucy and apologize after she ate at the diner] I don't want it to end like this.
Doug: Yeah, well, it's gonna end like this!
[Doug runs to beat up Henry but then Henry holds him down]
Henry: Calm down, little fella!
Doug: Okay I'm calm!
[pause]
Doug: I coulda whooped his butt, Daddy but this gravel - I swipped on it and fwell.
Marlin: Then maybe you need to do a little bit more butt flexes.
Doug: Cheap shot, Dad.

Henry: I don't think that's an option, Lisa.
Linda: Linda.
Henry: I know. I changed your name for your protection.

Nick: Hey, Mr. Peanut Butter Cups!
Henry: Hey, Mr. Could-Kill-Me-In-One-Punch!

Lucy: Wonder what's the matter with him.
Old Hawaiian Man: Looks like a stupid asshole to me.

Kid: Daddy, what's a nympho?

Ula: Uh, the nympho is the state bird of Ohio

Kids Ohhh.
Henry (to Ula): You're the state idiot of Hawaii

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