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Because I observe things, because I am a novelist.
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[reading his novel aloud while typing it] "But dad..I don't know how to love..you never taught..taaaught me how.."
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[after Andy tells him he's going to tell Trish he's a virgin] You should totally tell her, man...'Cause I watched this movie called Liar, Liar and the message was "Don't lie."...and that was a smart movie.
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You know what's a fun game? Take 3 Excedrin PM's and see if you can whack off before you fall asleep. You always win, that's the best part about the game.
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All you gotta do is to use your instincts. How do you think a lion knows how to tackle a gazelle? It's written, it's code written in their DNA, says "Tackle the gazelle." Believe it or not, in every man there's a code written that says "Tackle drunk bitches."
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You're puttin' the pussy on a pedestal.
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From now on, your dick is my dick. I'm getting you some pussy.
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Dude, it's not big deal if you like to **** guys. I'm cool, I got friends who **** guys...in jail.
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[Watching Dawn of the Dead] Whoa! **** that **** up! Bitch, get out of room! Bitch, get out the room!
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[Arguing with Mooj] Why are you always telling me to go **** a goat, man?
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You're making the pussy into this great big Greek goddess named 'Pussalia' and what you're doing is that you're psyching yourself into to thinking that it's some impossible feat.
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Look, you're about to cram like...10 years of pimpage into one day. Partner, after that....you're on my level.
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Baby, I'm Dr. Montalbaun.
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[The day after the poker game when Andy walks into the store. The wall of TVs shows a video of women in bathing suits washing cars] Andy is goin' down, partner! We're gonna be [starts humping air] This is for you partner, this is for you! [referring to the women on the screen] Waves of them are gonna be comin' at you on Friday, Saturday. By Sunday yo nuts gonna be drained!
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Everybody's dick look big on 60-inch TV. My sister's dick look big on TV.