Eddie: [Carrying Gwen in from outside] Eddie Boone, checking in.
Night Tech: You can't bring a girl into treatment with you, Eddie.
Eddie: I wasn't gonna keep her.

Bobbie Jean: Oh! I got and eyelash. Make a wish.
Roshanda: [Sigh] Custody of my kids.
Gerhardt: Sobriety
Roshanda: Oh, come on baby, we all want that. Think of something else.
Gerhardt: My foreskin back. No one asked me before they took it. They just took it.
Oliver: Way to share, Gerhardt, way to share.

Bobbie Jean's neck sign: Confront me if I people please.
Gwen's neck sign: Confront me if I don't ask for help.
Roshanda's neck sign for Andrea: Sometimes you gotta kiss ass, before you can kick it.
Gerhardt's neck sign for Andrea: It's the engine that kills ya, not the caboose.
Oliver's neck sign for Andrea: Make love, not war.
Gwen's neck sign for Andrea: Don't ever be someone's slogan, 'cause you are poetry.

Daniel as Announcer: And now, Santa Booze
Gwen as Darien: Oh Falcon, I'm so afraid. When they find I've taken you out of the hospital, mother and Dr. Griffin Hartley are sure to come here. What will we do?
[Gerhardt pulls Gwen across his hospital bed]
Gerhardt as Falcon: If I can't be without you-
Gwen: [Whispering] --with you.
Gerhardt as Falcon: It I can't be with you, I would rather be dead.
[They kiss passionately. Gerhardt pushes her away]
Gerhardt as Falcon: Oh, but dear God, the tiny clusters of tumors in my brain!
Gwen as Darien: Oh God, the tiny little clusters of tumors in his brain, somebody help! Oh, God!

Gerhardt as Falcon: Oh, but, no! My tumors!
Oliver as Dr. Griffin: It's the, uh, melio-- meli--
Daniel: Melagioma Nestocytroma
Oliver as Dr. Griffin: Well, whatever. Look, there's nothing I can do. [Gerhardt grabs his collar] What-- what are you doing?
Gerhardt as Falcon: It says in the script that we're supposed to kiss.
Oliver as Dr. Griffin: Uh, Andrea, I like ya. Bon voyage. I'm not kissing Gerhardt.

Gwen: Are you always this charming?
Cornell: Do you always use humor to deflect things when you're uncomfortable?
Gwen: Do you always use insight to disarm your new recruits?

Bobbie Jean as Deirdre: Falcon, Darien, your lover, is also your sister!
Gerhardt as Falcon: No!
Gwen: [Whispering] It is not possible.
Gerhardt as Falcon: It is not possible!
Oliver as Dr. Griffin: Deirdre, darling, I have some bad news. Your daughter, Darien, Falcon's lover and sister is also carrying my baby.
Bobbie Jean as Deirdre: No!
Gerhardt as Falcon: No!

Evelyn: We've gotten off track here. Lily. Lily! Think about Gwen's behavior at your wedding, and tell her now, how you feel.
Gwen: Yeah. Lily, how does it make you feel?
Lily: This is just-- This is-- I don't need this... I have a life.
[Lily storms off. Enter flashback, the girls run into the house.]
Young Gwen: Lily, wait for me!
Young Lily: Beat ya.

Cornell: You know, if your counselor catches you using, you could get kicked out.
Gwen: Yeah, well, I don't plan on discussing it with him.
Cornell: Too late.

Daniel: You're about as perceptive as Helen Keller.
Imaginary Gwen to Gwen: You know you're screwed. Mm-hmm.
Roshanda: I don't think you have niceness, you see, I don't feel niceness coming from you.
Daniel: Oh, that would be a great idea. You could spread your negativity even further. You know, if you really tried, you could ruin the experience for the entire patient population!
Dr Griffin: What do you want to bet, that child turns out to have a gambling problem?
Oliver: And I'm a patron of the arts and diseases and cures and stuff. That's what I'm spending my money on. So I like to have a little bit of fun.

Eddie: He'll get over it. Falcon will be back, better than ever.
Andrea: No, no, Falcon's leaving the show.
Gwen: He's having brain clusters!

Aunt Helen: You mother has passed on.
Young Gwen: That's okay. Just slap her real hard, and she'll wake up.

Betty: All of these things will be returned to you when you check out. Except for the "Vickodin," which will be flushed. Smile!
Gwen: It's Vicoden.

Shop Owner: Sir, I can't replace the plant just because you killed it.
Gerhardt: I did not kill this plant, it was sick or something. I gave it everything. I was talking to it, telling it stories. I drew a sketch of it, and put it on my refrigerator.
Shop Owner: Did you water it?
Gerhardt: I-- I have-- It's important that I did not kill this plant, you understand? So if you're just saying that because that's how you're making your excuse, you have got to understand-- You can't mess with-- I'm never gonna get laid. [Sobs] You obviously don't care. And that's one thing I do, is care. I feel sorry for all the plants in here. I'm going home.

Eddie: Nothing personal. I just made myself a little promise: no more endin' up naked with some girl I don't even know what her name is.
Gwen: That's a noble goal and I wish you the very best of luck with it.